yes... this is a coffeepost 😅
Oct. 5th, 2021 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
9ofcupsi keep wondering how i let myself stoop so low as to start drinking coffee literally every single fucking day when i was a hardcore anti of it like three weeks ago and i admittedly still don't have an answer but it's fine. the bigger issue regarding this post is the fact that i typed most of it on the flight home from colorado like at this point there's something deeply wrong with me and my obsession with this site
(also i deactivated my twitter briefly so no one is going to see this post but it's whatever. i'll probably lock it in few days or whenever the inherent embarrassment of allowing myself to be perceived as a scorpio rising 8th house moon takes over my soul... not that anyone is actually reading this of course)
for the record this is less of a coffeepost and more of a school_life_post with coffee on the side now that i'm back on campus and will also be suffering 40mins away from home for literally 16 hours today... i'd rather kill myself but haha it's fine. everyday i wonder how the hell i managed fall semester of sophomore year when i had an intro to polisci lecture at 8am and a microbiology lab from 6:30pm-9pm... the pandemic has ruined my ability to overwork the shit out of myself tbh! which is kind of the ideal here but still.
favorite drinks btw:
sorry for the easily-perceivable sweet tooth i literally cannot help it i'm just this way. for real though WHO IS DRINKING BITTER COFFEE!!!! (koko is but that's fine every gemini has a flaw. koko if you see this i'm joking i love you xx)
okay seriously though i can't believe i genuinely unironically enjoy super sweet drinks and also the seasonal ones, and for the record i definitely prefer the PSL over the ASM but the ASM is good for when i already have a pre-existing headache and don't want to add extra sweeteners to my drink (i'll end up explaining the indirect(?) rlship between caffeine and my chronic migraines at some point hopefully). also the amount of additions i add genuinelyyyy depends on the energy the barista gives me because i got a full-out EYE-ROLL from one of the baristas back in denver for asking for just one pump of vanilla syrup like sir please 😭 if you give me bitter coffee i'll start crying in front of god and everybody and that will be a situation you simply can't handle.
speaking of annoying baristas i saw this tiktok this morning while i was waiting to board and it essentially confirmed that i am never going to willingly humiliate myself at a hipster coffee shop. like imagine being made fun of for wanting ice in your coffee i just can't. the comments are all like "and this is why starbucks is outselling y'all" or whatever and it's so true tbhhhh like why has every barista besides my aforementioned worst enemy who i'll never have to see again been so nice to me! YES i will continue to spend unnecessary amounts of money for big corporations i'm sorry but it's true
anyway i'm thinking that i might switch from PSLs over to caramel lattes completely because i noticed that the starbucks at my school uses pumpkin spice sauce whereas the one down the street (that i'm definitely going to frequent more often because everyone is so fucking openly gay it's hilarious...) uses a powder and i absolutely 100% prefer the latter because i can actually TASTE the pumpkin spice... with the sauce it just tastes like Coffee, and if i add caramel to the PSL it literally just tastes like a caramel latte which is less expensive anyway. or maybe my tastebuds are already so fucked up that i can only discern Extremely Sweet from Extremely Bitter but i haven't started that grieving process yet so please do not inbox me about this.
++ i'm also obsessed with the way baristas will see "extra caramel drizzle" on an order and will proceed to literally coat the cup in caramel AND THEN add more drizzle on the whipped cream itself. like guys thank you so much for reading my mind i wasn't going to ask if that's how that worked but You Just Get Me. i seriously am not kidding in the slightest when i say i need my coffee to be sweet as shit like every cup i drink is the literal personification of diabetes and i'm already considering Never Going to Starbucks Again because of it LMAOO 😭😭😭 LIKE IT'S JUST TOO MUCH. but yes the drink i had today (first one on the favorites list) literally had me going 😮 because the mixture of whipped cream and the SHEER amount of drizzle the barista added on top of it made me realize it tasted exactly like french vanilla ice cream... and then i proceeded to down it all within fifteen minutes while cramming an assignment in so tbh it did its job.
but when it comes to doing its job i'm like 85% sure coffee does nothing for my energy... even when i forced myself to drink unsweetened ones i'd be like "hm. where the FUCK is the caffeine in this shit?" because it doesn't give me energy in the SLIGHTEST. now i'm thinking there's several reasons for this one alongside the migraine discussion that i said i was going to get into.
when you're a nursing student and a virgo venus but can't figure out your own health in the slightest 💭
anywayyyy speaking of the starbucks down the street from my school i realized recently (as in today) that there's actually an entire fucking shopping center right behind my campus that i was seriously just not aware of in the slightest. i found out on complete accident because i wanted to know if there was one outside of the one on campus (because it's overpriced and generally not as high-quality for obvious reasons aka stressed college students are the baristas, though i do intend on spending more $$$ on it because my school includes like $300 in our tuition JUST for meals lol which is so annoying) and after following google maps blindly i realized my campus was literally like two minutes away from it. yes i'm fucking stupid... we Know this.
but there's a cute little old-school theater, a bunch of restaurants and a mall and it's overall super accessible + everyone in the area is really nice!! so i'm hoping i get to go there with a friend and/or my cr*sh at some point before winter hits :]
generally am happy to be back home because i actually ended up despising colorado... firstable i totally forgot denver and aurora are at high altitudes and it took three nosebleeds for me to fucking realize T__T but in general it's suuuch an ugly state to me!! inherently depressing to live in colorado imo... in comparison minnesota is so lovely and green and actually has recycling bins around so i can do my duty as a citizen to the #environment... like LOL not that i'm a fan of minnesota or anything but colorado gave me a realizashun that the spring/summer/fall months here are actually beautiful.
i've also gained an intense appreciation for how pretty my college campus is because the medical campus we were on for our clinicals was umm... well it felt very industrial which was such a strange experience idkkk i'm used to green! and my campus is literally as close to cottagecore tumblr aesthetic as you can get
like idk the energy of my campus is really lovely and quiet and NICE and of course this means the nightlife is essentially nonexistent but it's fine because we're closer to other campuses + that's sort of expected when you're attending a private all-girls catholic school i guess 😐 like everyone has boyfriends in the co-op campus nearby and it's like sooo obvious who's straight vs. closeted vs. openly out and all the openly out people refuse to acknowledge everyone's existence which is actually understandable so it's okay but it means the social atmosphere is pretty much dead if you aren't a hijabi. but yeahhhh the university i used to go to was wayyy bigger (like, i'm talking small city, 36k people) and was such a huge party school like i'm pretty sure it was ranked no.1 out of both minnestoa and wisconsin so it's such a culture shock to me! but it's close by so i have a feeling i'll be heading there in order to experience Life lol!!!
also this is an all-girls school but i've noticed that there are a few guys taking credits here while attending whatever college they come from and i heard they're trying to make it co-op too which would be really embarrassing for them because they're super annoying about trans women being let in and it's just like. seriously? you guys fucking suck lol. but anyway
getting used to life again is going to be strange because i'm definitely someone who bases their experiences and daily mood off of their environment and it takes me a While to get used to things which is why traveling tends to be an uncomfortable experience to me despite me loving it so much LMAO... so i'd basically gotten used to my daily routine in colorado and then boom we flew back. idk why i had to be born with the combination of a fixed sun/rising and a cancer moon like this is literally self-oppression when you think about it tbh. i'm literally guy who needs my own space and takes forever to get used to things LOL
also experiencing legitimate WITHDRAWAL symptoms over being with my family again and not sharing a hotel room with two girls i'm currently obsessed with? i kind of knew it would hit but yesterday i realized i was hashtag yearning so hard it actually killed my mood to the point where i assumed i was just having a depwession day which is both extremely funny and really embarrassing + NEW because i'm nottttt the type to get attached... but here i am with an awful crush and also a friendcrush on these two people. i said this on priv tl last night but we genuinely refuse to hang out with other people now that we've found each other and anytime we are in a larger group one of us ends up being like "ummm... okay guys can we leave this is not vibes" and it's hilarious because we're literally three extroverts but i personally love it as Extrovert who Doesn't Get Close to People!
(tw: vague death mention) and not to be sadfeeling on dreamwidth dot org or anything but it's nice to have friends i feel a genuine connection with because this past year has been super hard after losing two of my best friends + cutting a lot of my old friend group off once i realized they never actually gave a shit about me once they were gone :')
and i have severe trust issues just like any other scorpio rising bitch so i feel like i'm treading soooo freaking carefully with these new connections hence why i only actually consider myself friends with four people right now despite meeting so many. but my tarot cards are like "amal you seriously need to stop because this is not sexy behavior in the slightest" so i'm trying to release and work on that shadow of mine but it's quite hard for obvious reasons. and i keep having to catch myself after i'm like "okay don't text them or you're annoying" because they're always like "omg i was wondering when you would text" and i'm always like damn... i saw a twitter thread from someone talking about their relationship and how they would be like "i bet you secretly hate me" among other toxic statements @ their partner and their partner would respond with some variation of "do you realize how mean you're being when you say that?" — i'm deactivated so i won't look for it now but i think i bookmarked it so maybe when i reactivate i'll add that in.
but the point is that thread ^ had me realizing that in a sense we all view the people around us as lesser selves not in the sense that we oppress them in our heads or anything but that we assume their feelings for them, which is a natural psychological type of judgment that makes us human, but it really can be so damaging to our rlships in the long-run. paranoia is unavoidable especially if you have past trauma regarding the situation at hand but i feel like we really need to get out of this feedback loop of telling ourselves x person thinks x thing about us... it's way easier said than done but still relevant!!
anyway depression aside, wish me luck for the rest of the semester + cutting this coffee fix before it turns into a full-blown addiction! currently have three hours until my 6pm-9:30pm class and i'm genuinely considering a nap because i got home so early in the morning. love you all 💛
(also i deactivated my twitter briefly so no one is going to see this post but it's whatever. i'll probably lock it in few days or whenever the inherent embarrassment of allowing myself to be perceived as a scorpio rising 8th house moon takes over my soul... not that anyone is actually reading this of course)
( ☕️💭🍂 )
for the record this is less of a coffeepost and more of a school_life_post with coffee on the side now that i'm back on campus and will also be suffering 40mins away from home for literally 16 hours today... i'd rather kill myself but haha it's fine. everyday i wonder how the hell i managed fall semester of sophomore year when i had an intro to polisci lecture at 8am and a microbiology lab from 6:30pm-9pm... the pandemic has ruined my ability to overwork the shit out of myself tbh! which is kind of the ideal here but still.
favorite drinks btw:
- iced pumpkin spice latte, 2 pumps of vanilla syrup, whipped cream, caramel drizzle, light ice
- apple spice macchiato. just straight up with no additions
- iced caramel latte, 1 pump of vanilla syrup
- nitro cold brew
sorry for the easily-perceivable sweet tooth i literally cannot help it i'm just this way. for real though WHO IS DRINKING BITTER COFFEE!!!! (koko is but that's fine every gemini has a flaw. koko if you see this i'm joking i love you xx)
okay seriously though i can't believe i genuinely unironically enjoy super sweet drinks and also the seasonal ones, and for the record i definitely prefer the PSL over the ASM but the ASM is good for when i already have a pre-existing headache and don't want to add extra sweeteners to my drink (i'll end up explaining the indirect(?) rlship between caffeine and my chronic migraines at some point hopefully). also the amount of additions i add genuinelyyyy depends on the energy the barista gives me because i got a full-out EYE-ROLL from one of the baristas back in denver for asking for just one pump of vanilla syrup like sir please 😭 if you give me bitter coffee i'll start crying in front of god and everybody and that will be a situation you simply can't handle.
speaking of annoying baristas i saw this tiktok this morning while i was waiting to board and it essentially confirmed that i am never going to willingly humiliate myself at a hipster coffee shop. like imagine being made fun of for wanting ice in your coffee i just can't. the comments are all like "and this is why starbucks is outselling y'all" or whatever and it's so true tbhhhh like why has every barista besides my aforementioned worst enemy who i'll never have to see again been so nice to me! YES i will continue to spend unnecessary amounts of money for big corporations i'm sorry but it's true
anyway i'm thinking that i might switch from PSLs over to caramel lattes completely because i noticed that the starbucks at my school uses pumpkin spice sauce whereas the one down the street (that i'm definitely going to frequent more often because everyone is so fucking openly gay it's hilarious...) uses a powder and i absolutely 100% prefer the latter because i can actually TASTE the pumpkin spice... with the sauce it just tastes like Coffee, and if i add caramel to the PSL it literally just tastes like a caramel latte which is less expensive anyway. or maybe my tastebuds are already so fucked up that i can only discern Extremely Sweet from Extremely Bitter but i haven't started that grieving process yet so please do not inbox me about this.
++ i'm also obsessed with the way baristas will see "extra caramel drizzle" on an order and will proceed to literally coat the cup in caramel AND THEN add more drizzle on the whipped cream itself. like guys thank you so much for reading my mind i wasn't going to ask if that's how that worked but You Just Get Me. i seriously am not kidding in the slightest when i say i need my coffee to be sweet as shit like every cup i drink is the literal personification of diabetes and i'm already considering Never Going to Starbucks Again because of it LMAOO 😭😭😭 LIKE IT'S JUST TOO MUCH. but yes the drink i had today (first one on the favorites list) literally had me going 😮 because the mixture of whipped cream and the SHEER amount of drizzle the barista added on top of it made me realize it tasted exactly like french vanilla ice cream... and then i proceeded to down it all within fifteen minutes while cramming an assignment in so tbh it did its job.
but when it comes to doing its job i'm like 85% sure coffee does nothing for my energy... even when i forced myself to drink unsweetened ones i'd be like "hm. where the FUCK is the caffeine in this shit?" because it doesn't give me energy in the SLIGHTEST. now i'm thinking there's several reasons for this one alongside the migraine discussion that i said i was going to get into.
1. the most glaringly obvious reason is probably the fact that i literally have adhd... but the thing is coffee has only made me tired once or twice? like that's the thing. i don't actually get super exhausted drinking coffee in the way people who have adhd say they feel (not that this takes away from the fact that i DEFINITELY have adhd) and that might be because my chronic fatigue has me existing at a base level of Always Tired anyway so i'm just used to it. that being said when i do get tired i get so ridiculously exhausted i literally cannotttttt deal with life lol
2. i also feel like the sugar intake from coffee has balanced itself out in my life because even though i definitely consume an unhealthy amount of sugar within my coffee i also just generally consume A Lot of Sugar anyway... not to get into my super americanized diet but yes i'm literally girl who would rather eat just sweets rather than full meals, healthy or not healthy... LOL the day i go on a sugar detox is the day i might actually die but i plan on doing one soon! once i get out of this starbucks fix of course.
3. i have chronic migraines which is soooo fun and sexy of me etc etc i know you don't need to tell me i'm hot ❤️ okay seriously though i assumed that coffee would have me dying of migraines as soon as i took a sip but that... hasn't really happened? what i've noticed is that my number of migraines has actually gone down like crazy, but the length of their Presence until they leave me the fuck alone has increased. for example (taken straight out of my bullet journal):
2. i also feel like the sugar intake from coffee has balanced itself out in my life because even though i definitely consume an unhealthy amount of sugar within my coffee i also just generally consume A Lot of Sugar anyway... not to get into my super americanized diet but yes i'm literally girl who would rather eat just sweets rather than full meals, healthy or not healthy... LOL the day i go on a sugar detox is the day i might actually die but i plan on doing one soon! once i get out of this starbucks fix of course.
3. i have chronic migraines which is soooo fun and sexy of me etc etc i know you don't need to tell me i'm hot ❤️ okay seriously though i assumed that coffee would have me dying of migraines as soon as i took a sip but that... hasn't really happened? what i've noticed is that my number of migraines has actually gone down like crazy, but the length of their Presence until they leave me the fuck alone has increased. for example (taken straight out of my bullet journal):
☀️ august:
# of migraines: 17
avg length: 8.3 hours
avg time of day they begin: 2:32pm
# of days spent with a migraine: 20
🍁 september:
# of migraines: 3
avg length: 16.45 hours
avg time of day they begin: 10:07am
# of days spent with a migraine: 7
# of migraines: 17
avg length: 8.3 hours
avg time of day they begin: 2:32pm
# of days spent with a migraine: 20
🍁 september:
# of migraines: 3
avg length: 16.45 hours
avg time of day they begin: 10:07am
# of days spent with a migraine: 7
this is honestly so strange to look at because in 2019 i averaged 16 migraines a month. 2020 isn't a reliable statistic to me here because we spent so much of 2020 at home (the average ended up being a solid 11 for the record though) and so when i looked back at my migraine calendar for september after i finished my monthly round-up post i was genuinely shocked to see i technically only had three... but because they lasted so long they ended up taking a whole week out of my month.
for context purposes it's important to note that i judge a length of a migraine by how long it lasts before i sleep—as in, if i don't wake up with a migraine the next day, i use the time i fell asleep as a cut-off save for two alternative scenarios, one being if i wake up at some point during the night with a migraine still present and the other being if i wake up the following morning with a migraine. i call those ones nightmare headaches if they aren't already classified as a migraine attack because it's the easiest way to give me clinical depression honestly like girl WHY are you still here!!! leave me alone. 😭😭😭😭
so Yes. on all three of these migraines i woke up the following day with it still persistent, and one of them it lasted an entire three fucking days—just an irritatingly consistent ebb and flow that refused to leave me alone. and i'm assuming that factors other than coffee were present (such as the fact that i'm actually dumb as fuck and will straight up forget to drink water, or the way my avg bedtime in august was 9:30pm but in september was 12am thanks to school + traveling) but i'll really have to watch over this. for one i've decided to look at my daily coffee intake as a new addition to things i'm keeping track of in my bujo (i'm seriously sidereal gemini moon virgo venus it's ridiculous) as well as what drinks and additions i'm choosing to fuck up my life for the day. wow this bit is unnecessarily long and i'm giving out information that could probably violate HIPAA for anyone reading this (joke) so i'll stop here. thanks for being privy to my coffee journey and supporting me guys
for context purposes it's important to note that i judge a length of a migraine by how long it lasts before i sleep—as in, if i don't wake up with a migraine the next day, i use the time i fell asleep as a cut-off save for two alternative scenarios, one being if i wake up at some point during the night with a migraine still present and the other being if i wake up the following morning with a migraine. i call those ones nightmare headaches if they aren't already classified as a migraine attack because it's the easiest way to give me clinical depression honestly like girl WHY are you still here!!! leave me alone. 😭😭😭😭
so Yes. on all three of these migraines i woke up the following day with it still persistent, and one of them it lasted an entire three fucking days—just an irritatingly consistent ebb and flow that refused to leave me alone. and i'm assuming that factors other than coffee were present (such as the fact that i'm actually dumb as fuck and will straight up forget to drink water, or the way my avg bedtime in august was 9:30pm but in september was 12am thanks to school + traveling) but i'll really have to watch over this. for one i've decided to look at my daily coffee intake as a new addition to things i'm keeping track of in my bujo (i'm seriously sidereal gemini moon virgo venus it's ridiculous) as well as what drinks and additions i'm choosing to fuck up my life for the day. wow this bit is unnecessarily long and i'm giving out information that could probably violate HIPAA for anyone reading this (joke) so i'll stop here. thanks for being privy to my coffee journey and supporting me guys
anywayyyy speaking of the starbucks down the street from my school i realized recently (as in today) that there's actually an entire fucking shopping center right behind my campus that i was seriously just not aware of in the slightest. i found out on complete accident because i wanted to know if there was one outside of the one on campus (because it's overpriced and generally not as high-quality for obvious reasons aka stressed college students are the baristas, though i do intend on spending more $$$ on it because my school includes like $300 in our tuition JUST for meals lol which is so annoying) and after following google maps blindly i realized my campus was literally like two minutes away from it. yes i'm fucking stupid... we Know this.
but there's a cute little old-school theater, a bunch of restaurants and a mall and it's overall super accessible + everyone in the area is really nice!! so i'm hoping i get to go there with a friend and/or my cr*sh at some point before winter hits :]
generally am happy to be back home because i actually ended up despising colorado... firstable i totally forgot denver and aurora are at high altitudes and it took three nosebleeds for me to fucking realize T__T but in general it's suuuch an ugly state to me!! inherently depressing to live in colorado imo... in comparison minnesota is so lovely and green and actually has recycling bins around so i can do my duty as a citizen to the #environment... like LOL not that i'm a fan of minnesota or anything but colorado gave me a realizashun that the spring/summer/fall months here are actually beautiful.
i've also gained an intense appreciation for how pretty my college campus is because the medical campus we were on for our clinicals was umm... well it felt very industrial which was such a strange experience idkkk i'm used to green! and my campus is literally as close to cottagecore tumblr aesthetic as you can get
like idk the energy of my campus is really lovely and quiet and NICE and of course this means the nightlife is essentially nonexistent but it's fine because we're closer to other campuses + that's sort of expected when you're attending a private all-girls catholic school i guess 😐 like everyone has boyfriends in the co-op campus nearby and it's like sooo obvious who's straight vs. closeted vs. openly out and all the openly out people refuse to acknowledge everyone's existence which is actually understandable so it's okay but it means the social atmosphere is pretty much dead if you aren't a hijabi. but yeahhhh the university i used to go to was wayyy bigger (like, i'm talking small city, 36k people) and was such a huge party school like i'm pretty sure it was ranked no.1 out of both minnestoa and wisconsin so it's such a culture shock to me! but it's close by so i have a feeling i'll be heading there in order to experience Life lol!!!
also this is an all-girls school but i've noticed that there are a few guys taking credits here while attending whatever college they come from and i heard they're trying to make it co-op too which would be really embarrassing for them because they're super annoying about trans women being let in and it's just like. seriously? you guys fucking suck lol. but anyway
getting used to life again is going to be strange because i'm definitely someone who bases their experiences and daily mood off of their environment and it takes me a While to get used to things which is why traveling tends to be an uncomfortable experience to me despite me loving it so much LMAO... so i'd basically gotten used to my daily routine in colorado and then boom we flew back. idk why i had to be born with the combination of a fixed sun/rising and a cancer moon like this is literally self-oppression when you think about it tbh. i'm literally guy who needs my own space and takes forever to get used to things LOL
also experiencing legitimate WITHDRAWAL symptoms over being with my family again and not sharing a hotel room with two girls i'm currently obsessed with? i kind of knew it would hit but yesterday i realized i was hashtag yearning so hard it actually killed my mood to the point where i assumed i was just having a depwession day which is both extremely funny and really embarrassing + NEW because i'm nottttt the type to get attached... but here i am with an awful crush and also a friendcrush on these two people. i said this on priv tl last night but we genuinely refuse to hang out with other people now that we've found each other and anytime we are in a larger group one of us ends up being like "ummm... okay guys can we leave this is not vibes" and it's hilarious because we're literally three extroverts but i personally love it as Extrovert who Doesn't Get Close to People!
(tw: vague death mention) and not to be sadfeeling on dreamwidth dot org or anything but it's nice to have friends i feel a genuine connection with because this past year has been super hard after losing two of my best friends + cutting a lot of my old friend group off once i realized they never actually gave a shit about me once they were gone :')
and i have severe trust issues just like any other scorpio rising bitch so i feel like i'm treading soooo freaking carefully with these new connections hence why i only actually consider myself friends with four people right now despite meeting so many. but my tarot cards are like "amal you seriously need to stop because this is not sexy behavior in the slightest" so i'm trying to release and work on that shadow of mine but it's quite hard for obvious reasons. and i keep having to catch myself after i'm like "okay don't text them or you're annoying" because they're always like "omg i was wondering when you would text" and i'm always like damn... i saw a twitter thread from someone talking about their relationship and how they would be like "i bet you secretly hate me" among other toxic statements @ their partner and their partner would respond with some variation of "do you realize how mean you're being when you say that?" — i'm deactivated so i won't look for it now but i think i bookmarked it so maybe when i reactivate i'll add that in.
but the point is that thread ^ had me realizing that in a sense we all view the people around us as lesser selves not in the sense that we oppress them in our heads or anything but that we assume their feelings for them, which is a natural psychological type of judgment that makes us human, but it really can be so damaging to our rlships in the long-run. paranoia is unavoidable especially if you have past trauma regarding the situation at hand but i feel like we really need to get out of this feedback loop of telling ourselves x person thinks x thing about us... it's way easier said than done but still relevant!!
anyway depression aside, wish me luck for the rest of the semester + cutting this coffee fix before it turns into a full-blown addiction! currently have three hours until my 6pm-9:30pm class and i'm genuinely considering a nap because i got home so early in the morning. love you all 💛
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Date: 2021-10-06 01:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-06 02:11 pm (UTC)